Something has changed in me since I wrote my books. I think it’s partly because of the books, but also partly because of the shifting online landscape. Either way, I’ve become more cautious. More neutral. Less opinionated. After all, with such a large audience, you naturally want to keep everyone happy. I’ve become a role model for people — and while that sounds incredibly arrogant, I do get emails from people saying just that every week — and I don’t want to disappoint them, upset them, or whatever else. I don’t want people emailing my publisher to complain about my tweets.

Of course, I haven’t stopped sharing my opinions entirely. But we all know there are safe topics, and less safe ones, to get involved with. Laughing at COVID conspiracy theorists? 100% safe. Calling out far-right extremism? Great. But questioning certain statements and ideas about gender? That’s a different story.

Up until a few years ago, I was pretty radical myself. I still remember a blog post where I lectured big influencers for not speaking out against Trump’s border policies. I felt so self-righteous doing that. Look at me, holding people accountable. It wasn’t until I clashed with a group of “activists” who tried to hold me accountable over a (not so) funny photo that my eyes were opened. These people aren’t really about the cause. Or rather, the cause is secondary. Establishing a certain hierarchy is the real goal. Venting their own frustrations is just a nice bonus. We are good, you are bad.

What bothers me more and more is how the “good guys” can quickly turn into ruthless monsters when they see someone as wrong. You’re an American of Latin American descent who voted for Trump? “I hope you get deported!” You spoke out against mandatory vaccinations? “I hope you get long COVID!” The group that places itself above others because they supposedly have empathy, unlike the trash who only think about themselves, quickly loses its mask and shows that their empathy is merely conditional.

What perhaps bothers me even more is that the people who pride themselves on “the science” turn into complete science deniers when it comes to obesity or the biological differences between men and women. I’ve seen people seriously claim that women don’t actually run slower than men, but that men’s sports simply make more money and therefore get more attention — which supposedly leads to faster times for the men. People who argue that you don’t die from the effects of obesity, but from the discrimination that comes with it.

Now, I’m not saying that women’s sports bring in as much money as men’s sports, or that overweight people don’t face discrimination. But the number of people who think they can dismiss any concern about obesity with “BMI is rooted in racism! Nobody owes you health!” are just as lost as the folks on the right we all laugh at for doing their “own research.” Although even research considered legitimate by many isn’t safe from ideological interference, something Helen Pluckrose and others brilliantly demonstrated with their grievance studies project.

I also can’t stand activists who spread lies or half-truths to scare their followers purely for political gain. The best example of this is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day to commemorate… Well, wat exactly? The media often reports that it’s about people murdered for who they are, but the actual list doesn’t support that claim at all. It includes cases of traffic disputes, robberies, and victims killed by their partners. Everything to make the list as long and frightening as possible. And even if the numbers were accurate, this murder rate wouldn’t be shocking at all.

Last week, similar fearmongering made the rounds about women supposedly dying due to abortion bans. If you read those stories closely, it turns out that these women died due to medical negligence, the situations were more complex than portrayed, and the procedures needed to save these women were, and still are, legal at the time of their deaths. Yet that doesn’t stop people from sharing Instagram posts with headlines like: “Women are dying from abortion bans!” The irony is that spreading such misinformation, instead of emphasizing that D&C procedures and life-saving abortions are legal, might actually result in women not seeking or receiving the care they need.

Of course, every murder is one too many, and the same goes for every woman who suffers unnecessarily due to medical negligence. But what you say, share, or post must be accurate. Only then can people make decisions based on facts. We all find it ridiculous when an anti-vax politician posts about the huge connection between autism and vaccinations, only to discover in the fine print that this figure is based on reports from parents. Where is that same critical eye when it comes to issues that confirm your worldview?

There was a time when I tried to hold influencers accountable for not speaking out on certain issues. Nowadays, there are topics I don’t speak up about myself, simply because I genuinely don’t know what to say. The Israel-Palestine conflict, for example. It’s such a complex issue, with a long history and horrific acts committed by both sides. But online, I see people treating this conflict like it’s a football match. (Yes, I’m aware of the irony given the events in Amsterdam this week.) You pick a side and put a little flag next to your name. Then you start calling the other side child murderers, while child murders by your own side are dismissed as “legitimate self-defense.” I see both sides of the conflict dehumanizing the other, and both seem completely fine with someone from the opposing group getting beaten up because of something another member of that group did.

It’s as if no one has a consistent moral compass anymore; things are only bad if the other side does them. If we do it, it’s for a good reason. People seem to forget that almost every atrocity in human history was committed by people who believed they had good reasons for it.

And here I am, quietly sitting behind my keyboard. You didn’t hear me. Because if you criticize A, then you must be for B.

Last week, a medical report supposedly about Olympic boxer Imane Khelif was circulating, claiming that Khelif is genetically male. Although I’m inclined to believe, given the statements from Khelif’s team and the opinions of several biologists, that Khelif has XY chromosomes and a DSD, I’m not certain. I asked a poster what the source of the medical report was, since the blog they shared was a small, obscure publication that anyone could have set up. “If you can’t see that that’s a dude, you need an eye exam and an IQ test!” an angry tweeter replied. My question was purely objective.

“But why don’t you go after the right-wing nonsense?! They spread way more lies!” Absolutely. And they do it more blatantly, too. But even the subtler nonsense from the left, wrapped up in good intentions, can be harmful. It makes the people who believe it needlessly scared, and those who don’t believe it… Well, they might just end up not believing anything at all.

Debunking right-wing nonsense is easy from my position. Left-wing nonsense? Not so much. Take gender, for example. Personally, I don’t fully agree with the current framework that asserts gender almost always takes precedence over sex, and that that should always dictate how someone is viewed by society. I wrote about this in this blog. In this thread, I expressed concerns about the non-binary label, which in the article I cited was contrasted with the term “failed woman.” The topic preoccupies me because it affects many young autistic people, and it also relates to my own experience of gender (or should I say, experience of sex?). But even these fairly vanilla opinions earned me a day of hate on Threads.

“Toeps is a TERF!” one person said. (For those not chronically online: that’s an acronym for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. I don’t identify as one, by the way, but apparently that doesn’t matter now, lol.)

“Oh, I didn’t know that! How awful that I ever bought her book!” said another.

And that’s perhaps the most fascinating part of all this: someone who, two minutes earlier, had no idea about my alleged TERF status immediately decided I was canceled. The left. The side of facts. The side that says “haha, look at those conspiracy nuts.” They read something on Facebook (well, Threads, same thing) and believe it instantly.

For years, I was afraid to voice “controversial” opinions. Because of my book. Because of my income. But when I complained last week about the declining sales of my first book (which is completely understandable, given that we’re now 5.5 years post-release and books don’t live forever), something shifted. And after spending two hours on the phone with a good friend yesterday, it all became clear. “If you keep erasing yourself like this, you’ll implode,” he said. “That’s exactly what’s happening,” I replied.

I’m not saying I know everything, that I’ll never change my mind, or that I’ll never be wrong. But I’m going to write what I want to write. Post what I want to post. Debunk what I want to debunk. And if a few disillusioned internet activists want to organize a ritual book burning: fine. Go ahead. Have fun. And thanks for your purchase.