Blog
Hi, I’m Toeps and I’ve been blogging since 2004. About my adventures, about things I think things about, and about my life as an autistic person. (And between 2012 and 2016 also about the world of models and photography, on my then platform Fashionmilk.com, which you may remember from the top model recaps.)
This blog has brought me many wonderful things: friends and girlfriends, a trip to Disneyland Paris and even a book. These days I mostly write about my life in Japan, where I live.
Narita, more than just an airport
When I was still living in Zaandam, I once saw a poster of the famous Inntel Hotel in Zaandam (which looks like a stack of traditional Zaanse houses), with the I amsterdam logo underneath. Look, I get the idea: tourists only know Amsterdam, so let’s just call everything that. The famous Muiderslot castle became Amsterdam Castle Muiderslot, an outlet in Halfweg was branded as Amsterdam The Style Outlets, and of course, our airport is called Amsterdam International Airport Schiphol – even though it’s located in the municipality of Haarlemmermeer.
Toeps, filtered
Something has changed in me since I wrote my books. I think it’s partly because of the books, but also partly because of the shifting online landscape. Either way, I’ve become more cautious. More neutral. Less opinionated. After all, with such a large audience, you naturally want to keep everyone happy. I’ve become a role model for people — and while that sounds incredibly arrogant, I do get emails from people saying just that every week — and I don’t want to disappoint them, upset them, or whatever else. I don’t want people emailing my publisher to complain about my tweets.
Soaring
Usually, when I write a blog, I know exactly what I want to say. The story has a beginning, a middle, an end, and ideally a twist, conclusion, or point I want to make. Not this time. I’m not entirely sure what I want with this piece, except to get the incident out of my head. It’s been circling around there for a day and a half now.
Status update
Riemer posted an update on LinkedIn yesterday with two photos that I took, and he properly gave credit: “Photos by my ex, Bianca Toeps.” First off, props for giving credit. But, uh, I think I need to explain a few things to you all.
Snap visit
“You know what I’ve been missing?” I thought the other day. “Just running around Tokyo with Charlotte, taking photos, reels, or whatever other content I can use for my socials.”
Toeps and Olga are checking the park
Two weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, I met up with Olga (my part-time marketing assistant) at Shinjuku Gyoen, the national park in the bustling heart of Tokyo. It was still early but already pretty warm. Summers in Tokyo often hit 36 degrees, and on top of that, the air is humid, making everything feel even stickier. Luckily, there was a breeze that morning, which helped with the heat but also served as a test for the microphone we wanted to try out.
Coughing Out Loud
“I’ve never had COVID,” I said earlier this year to a friend who canceled our plans because she was down with it for the third or fourth time. “That seems unlikely,” she said. “You’re probably just someone who doesn’t show symptoms.” Although I wanted to believe that, I wasn’t so sure: “I’m still one of the few who wears a mask…” Living in Japan certainly helps with that; here, it’s quite normal. But even in the Netherlands, I wore a mask on the train; my visits are always short, and, as I reasoned, getting sick would just be a waste of my time.
Fireworks
Every now and then, I check out Threads, Zuckerberg’s answer to Twitter. Now, we all know that people on Twitter (okay, okay, X) end up in bubbles, but Threads is way worse. The algorithm that serves up posts to me thinks I’m interested in exactly two things: autism and Japan. So, 50% of my feed is edgy takes from the autistic “community”, and the other half is filled with dumb questions (“How much money do I need for a two-week vacation in Tokyo?” – Uh, I don’t know, what do you plan on doing?) and even dumber statements (“Men in Japan never wear shorts because showing leg hair is gross!” – Uh, I just saw about ten guys in shorts on the train, nobody cares?) about Japan.
I went to a meeting for autistic girls in Japan
Some time ago, I was invited by Kohei Kato, an autism researcher at Tokyo Gakugei University who also works as an editorial manager at Japanese publisher Kaneko Shobo. He immediately told me not to expect too much, but he wanted to get acquainted. He gave me two books from his publishing company about autism in girls and women, in Japanese. I haven’t read the books yet (my Japanese isn’t that good, unfortunately), but the titles were promising – these books were about camouflage, or masking.
I like to move it, move it (the Japanese way)
Ever find yourself in this situation? You plan to move just a bed, so you contact a moving company, and before you know it, half your stuff is at your boyfriend’s place? That’s exactly what went down this Tuesday on moving day.
Why infodumping may not be the best love language after all
A girl is talking to the camera in a short clip made for platforms like Instagram and TikTok. “People often think we autistic people are egocentric because we respond to your sad story with a similar story from our own lives – but this is how we show empathy!” A bit later, a brightly colored image appears in my feed: “Infodumping is my autistic love language.” We need to normalize it, because this is how autistic people show they care, according to the widely shared post.
The Ikea haters
“Ikea furniture is not made for moving. It will break.” The Japanese gentleman from the moving company looked troubled. He spoke in Japanese to Google Translate, and then his phone spat out the translation in Dutch. Just before, he had asked if all my stuff was from Ikea, to which I cheerfully replied, “yes.” I love Ikea. The Japanese do not.
The apartment next door
Those who have read my new book know that, when I had just arrived in Japan and was still sleeping in my office, I wanted to rent the apartment right next door. It seemed so wonderful: a three-second commute, a shared internet connection, vacuum cleaner and pantry, and (after dismantling a partition) a very long balcony, so that I could even go “round the back” from home to office and vice versa. But alas, I just missed it, settling instead for an apartment on the other side of the building, and five floors up.
Buongiorno and konnichiwa
It’s-a me, Toeps, business manager. This blog is a selection of the things I have done in recent months. Because a lot has happened, and a lot is still going to happen! What exactly, you ask? Well…
The end of a Starbucks
François and I were standing in line for the Starbucks in the shopping center of Keio-Hachioji station, when a poster caught his eye. One of those posters with big red and yellow letters, and something in Japanese that translated as “clearance sale.” I had seen the poster before, but since my brain still doesn’t automatically translate Japanese, I hadn’t given it a second thought, and assumed it was just another advertising poster. But François’s Japanese is better, so he asked the barista, “Clearance sale?” – “Yes,” said the barista, “everything closes on March 31. We’re leaving too, the whole building is vacating.”
Two
Two big things are happening this week. One, the physical version of the English translation of my new book comes out tomorrow. The digital version came out last week, but because of Amazon’s annoying procedures, the paper edition had to wait another week. I also haven’t received an author’s copy or proof yet, because they don’t send those to Japan. Instead, I had Riemer look at it, and film it, and I made final adjustments based on that. For tomorrow’s festive photos, I just printed a color copy at the convenience store. 50 yen and some advanced origami magic, and it’s just like the real thing.